Defiance, OH

No pics this week (just working hard, hoping to come home the night of 12/23), but I have to tell my reader about my exposure to the splendors of nightlife in Defiance, Ohio....

(An aside - S. tells a co-worker that I'm working in Ohio. "Where?" he asks. "He's in Defiance." "In defiance of what?")

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We started the evening with a stunning dining experience at "Buffalo Wild Wings Bar and Grill" - where the giant, digital, Battlestar Galactica clock behind the bar is 17 minutes fast.

"What's that?" I ask one of the effusive waitpersons, "cuz that's not
the time of day, so it's not a clock".

"That's the bar time".

"'k...what's that mean?"

"When we have happy hour, we have $3 23 oz domestic beers. It ends at 8:00, according to that clock."

"Oh. So...it really ends at 7:43."

"Whatever. Do you want a beer or not?"

"Sure. I'll have a Sam Adams."

"Ok...that'll be $4.50."

"But the 'bar clock' reads 7:37. Isn't it still happy hour?"

"Yup, but only on domestic beer. Bud Light and Miller Draft."

I shouldn't have bothered to ask...it's obvious at this point that Boston is indeed a foreign country.

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Our other choice for fine dining that night was "Applebee's", home of the math-impaired beer specials. We had gone there the night before:

"Would you like a beer? We have $1 - 10 oz, $2 - 16 oz, and $3 - 22 oz."

"Are you serious? If I get a 22 oz beer, I pay $3, but if I get 3 10oz beers, I get 30 oz. - 8 more oz. - for the same price AND you have to do more work bring it to me?"

"Yup. That's why the 22 oz beer is the better value."

WHHHHHHHHHHHHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????

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So after all that beer calculus, we needed a break and headed to "Spanky's" "downtown", a bar with 2 pool tables, free foosball on Thursdays, and Karaoke on Wed, Sat, and Sun.

I only agreed to go because is was Monday.

They had decorated for the holidays by stapling silver mylar "Coors Light" snowflakes to the ceiling and putting the CCR Christmas album in the juke.

Once there, we met "Tiny", the 6 foot 6 inch, 350 lb bartender/bouncer/greeter.

While playing pool, one of our cue balls got stuck in the chute. We called over to the bartender - "Hey, man, one of the balls is stuck".

Tiny came over to help. He picked up one end of the table and bounced it several times to dislodge the errant ball.

"Thanks man. Hey, by the way, could you move my car?"

"Sure man, where is it?

"Awww...never mind. But if I have to change a tire, can I give you a call?"

"Sure man."