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Oscar Night, 2007

Just a few thoughts while watching the Oscars...by myself...in Oh-Hell-No.

Cate Blanchett's dark bronze, 1 shoulder gown - completely bedazzled and totally flawless.

Naomi Watts looked a little self-conscious in the empire-waisted, yellow tube-top thingy she shrugged herself into.

Nicole Kidman looked...tall. And red. And ready to unwrap.

Then there was Penelope Cruz's pink, form-fitting bodice with bathroom rug train...loved it.

Vacuous red carpet "reporter" introducing Eddie Murphy...and 'his date'? This isn't prom.

Reece Witherspoon...black is slimming...you don't need slimming...eat a doughnut.

Kate Winslett...fabulous in a simple mint drape...and on her fifth nomination!

Helen Mirren stunningly elegant in silver/gold Lacroix. Queen of the World!

I liked Jennifer Hudson's brown gown, but didn't care for the silver shrug thing she wore on the way in; it made her look like a half-opened can of sardines.

Abigail Breslin - the cutest...

...and Cameron Diaz? Not drunk! Good for her!

I loved the opening film montage of nominees and their candid comments; Clint Eastwood - '[why are we here?] Best picture, best director...things like that'

Adriana was sportin' some rocks! Go Mexico!

Ellen's monologue was pretty funny - No rhyme or reason to the Oscar nominations - "Jennifer Hudson - on Idol, America didn't vote for her - and Al Gore -America did vote for him."

"Without blacks, jews, & gay, there would be no Oscars." Or, if there were, there would be no acting, no money, and no clothes/hair?

It wasn't until 15 minutes into the ceremony that Nicole Kidman & Daniel Craig (yum) finally presented the 1st award - Art Direction for my favorite movie of 2007, "Pan's Labyrinth".

The second award - Make-up...went to..."Pan's Labyrinth", but not until after we were subjected to 2+ minutes of Will Ferrell and Jack Black...singing? They get to sing about...not getting Oscars...about not being nominated...and people who actually win only get 30 seconds? This thing isn't going to end until Thursday.

I liked co-stars Kinnear and Carrell co-presenting, even if just for best sound editing.

Rachel Weisz looked fantastic with her bobbed hair and jewel-trimmed, platinum sheath, giving Alan Arkin the Best Supporting Actor award for "Little Miss Sunshine"!

Al Gore's "important announcement" to the world getting cut-off by the end-of-speech music - very "inconvenient", very funny.

I loved Emily and Anne presenting Best Costume Design together - "Hello Meryl".

Yeah! Best Costume, "Marie Antoinette"; 18th Century clothing inspired by candy.

Was it very right or very wrong for Gwyneth Paltrow to present Best Cinematography in a see -through top? No worries - another Oscar for "Pan's Labyrinth"!

Ellen getting Spielberg to take a photo of her and Eastwood - brilliant.

Stupid Mastercard elephant commercial made me a little misty-eyed.

The internationalism of the nominees this year was an improvement, with presentations by Catherine Deneuve and Ken Wanatabe, nominations for actors from Spain, France, Mexico, Japan, and Great Britain; accents and back-patting from all over the planet. All that, but "Pan's Labyrinth" still wasn't nominated for Best Picture outright.

Then, Best Foreign Film award was presented by brits Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen - "The Lives of Others". Rats! Oh, well, "Pan's Labyrinth" still has 3 Oscars...

...followed by the Pilobolus interpretation of "Snakes on a Plane"...and the promise of Celine Dion...that's it...I'm outta here...I can't stay up any later.

(Hey...where was Brand-jolina?)

...the rest of the story...

Compliance, Ohio - Mist and Oscar

One beautiful day last week I experienced a new weather phenomenon...freezing fog.

It had rained the day before, putting lots of moisture in the air. The next day, it was foggy and the temperature was right at freezing, masking trees in the distance and growing little icicle beards on everything that stood still.

Today, of course, it's back to "freezing rain", meaning "drive slowly and walk flat-footed...like you have blisters on your feet...or painfully fabulous shoes."

But, there's no denying it: this Midwest weather is perfect for movie-watching. So far, I've rented "The Departed" and "Babel" in an attempt to catch up with the Oscars (and the rest of the world).

I was a little worried that I might not be able to snag a copy of "Babel" at the local "Family Video" store (the only rental place left in town, I'm told, after the other one left mysteriously in the middle of the night...which sounds like an excellent back-up plan), but I was in luck. Last night, the night before the Oscars, the featured film was "The Guardian!!! Starring Kevin Costner!!!" ("Rental only $1.50!" Exclamation points free!)

There were several copies of "Babel".

The acting in "Babel" was amazing, but the story was quite a downer. While it's true that everyone made an emotional connection - or reconnection - by the end of the film, it was still depressing and too easily boiled down to "Crash" with language instead of racism. (Like "Syriana" is "Traffic" with oil instead of drugs, and "Britney Spears" is "Madonna" with youth instead of talent...or hair).

...the rest of the story...

Compliance, Ohio - Barn and Field

Side of silo...............field behind my apt.........side of barn

I've been working 6:00 AM to 7:30 PM each day until last Sunday. Then, I finally got to explore a little during daylight hours...in the field right behind our apartment.

...the rest of the story...

Ohio - Missing family

Even though I'm here by myself, I don't feel alone. My cell phone is a big life-saver.

I got to talk to my autistic nephew yesterday. With him, you never know what to expect. I told him I was in Ohio. I could hear grandma prompting him in the background "it's snowing there"**.

"Really, Uncle Jeff? Snowing? I hope you survive. Bye now."

I hope I survive, too. He's one of the people I survive for.
(S. with my nephew's 2 sisters.)

** Today's weather report stated "Definite snow and 80% chance of precipitation"
While I'm here in Compliance, what keeps me company at the gym?

My iPod. And what's on my iPod?

Soundtrack from "Wicked"
Soundtrack from "Rent"
Soundtrack from "Spamalot"
Soundtrack from "Wedding Singer"
Soundtrack from "Avenue Q"
Marilyn Manson

See? I'm not the gayest thing in the gym; my iPod is.

It hasn't exactly gotten me into trouble, but I do have a new work-out rule: Just because there isn't anyone else in the aerobic room - the one with the cushy purple & blue carpeting and the floor-to-ceiling mirrors - just because it's empty when you start lip-synching to the "Lady in the Lake" number from "Spamalot", doesn't mean someone won't walk in on you.

...the rest of the story...

Compliance - Plant at Sunset

I've never told my reader exactly what I'm doing in Ohio. Most people couldn't tell you why they are here in the midwest (believe me, I've asked), but I can.

I'm making fiberglass.

My company is helping to start-up a brand new plant (the old one burned to the ground - quelle surprise) that heats the raw material to 2100 degrees, drops it into a [non-disclosure agreement], and spits out glass cotton candy...light and feathery...like angel poo.

That's what I do for about 13 hours a day; the rest of my day is spent going to the gym (where I finally found all the cute people in northwest Ohio - they both work-out at the YMCA) or entertaining customers.

Last night I took them to "Jewell Cafe" ("you can't miss it; it's across the street from the grain elevator and next to the railroad tracks"). It's the "best restaurant" in the area.

"Best" = largest beef selection in the county.

The menu read exactly like the beer choices at my favorite math-impaired restaurant - the steaks came in 8 oz, 16 oz, or 24 oz sizes, plus the best-value, colon-choking 30 oz. slab.

So I got to wondering; what else weighs 30 ounces?

- 1 Adult Guinea Pig
- 16 Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts
- 21 baby chicks
- 150 quarters
- 38,250 papaya seeds
- $114,000 worth of cocaine

How much would it cost to send this steak into orbit on the Space Shuttle?

$18,750

I had the salad (it came with bacon on it.)

...the rest of the story...

Compliance, Ohio - Taun Taun Cold

I'm back up here...and it sure ain't Miami.

It's Taun-taun cold.

Like in "The Empire Strikes Back", when Luke is out on the popsicle planet, lost on patrol, and they have to close the bay doors because the temperature dropped so low that nothing can live outside the base, but Han Solo goes out there anyway and finds Luke and then it's so cold the Taun-taun just up and drops dead.

It's that cold here in Compliance and I have to walk outside to my car - there aren't any Taun Tauns, but if my car doesn't start, I'll just crawl inside a dead possum.

...the rest of the story...