Returning to the upright position

Ouch...

I have this ongoing back thing where every 8 months or so I wake up...turn over...and scream my entire building awake when a white-hot lightning-bolt of pain shoots up from my lower back up through the top of my head and I either seize-up in the bed like an frozen cow fetus or collapse onto the floor like the Hindenburg in fast-forward.

I don't know what it is...pinched nerve...pulled muscle...missing chromosome...but I do know that it hurts like hell to get upright in the morning. Once I get upright, I'm okay, but getting from Homo Simpson to Homo Erectus is the hardest thing imaginable. If I could crawl around all day without standing up, I would (it works well enough some Saturday nights...)

For me, this condition lends somewhat more credence to the folks fighting the science curriculum in Kansas - lower back pain is a justifiable foundation for an "Intelligent Design Theory" that would presumably explain away such painful evolutionary steps. Why would some monkey 2 million years ago go through this extruciating pain just to "evolve" into the upright position?

I can barely get through it to get the coffee maker.

But, I'm a born and bred science guy. Within 2 days, my back pain will be the furthest thing from my mind...as will the Dorothy Brigade...and I'll be back at the presumed top of the evolutionary ladder, right where I belong.